Working with Your Inner Child and The Future You 🧒🏾🧓🏾
Last week, I spent some time catching up on one of my favorite podcasts, Brown Ambition with hosts Mandi Woodruff-Santos and Tiffany Aliche. While washing dishes and cleaning the kitchen, I listened to a recent episode called “You’re Going To Be A Millionaire.” This episode featured Rachel Rodgers, entrepreneur and author of “We Should All Be Millionaires.”
During the episode, one of the podcast hosts, Tiffany Aliche (also known as The Budgetnista), brought up the concept and action of “getting her Mimi on.” Mimi is Tiffany’s niece, Amelia. Recently, Tiffany took some of the younger members of her family to Washington, DC. While stopping to view the white house, Amelia tried to put her hand through the gate. When corrected by the Secret Service, Amelia asked her aunt why they couldn’t go inside. After all, Tiffany had already been to the White House and met the President herself. Later on this year, Tiffany was reinvited to the State of the Union at the White House. When she told the coordinator the story about Amelia being upset about not being allowed to enter the White House, the coordinator extended an offer to Tiffany and her family to enjoy a private tour of the White House. Tiffany was floored, yet when she told Amelia about the invitation, Amelia remained assured - she knew where she belonged despite her aunt’s doubts and hesitations!
If you’re familiar with the podcast or Tiffany’s work, you may have also heard her reference Wanda, the 80-year-old version of herself. Tiffany refers to Wanda when she thinks about her financial future. Wanda encourages her to save and invest rather than spend. With Wanda in mind, Tiffany is less concerned with the demands of the here and now, rather thinking ahead to consider the needs of an older version of herself.
Pretty thoughtful and creative, right?
As I listened to the anecdote Tiffany shared about Amelia in “You’re Going To Be A Millionaire”, my mind immediately went to Wanda. While Amelia wants what she wants, when she wants it, Wanda holds off on immediate pleasures.
That got me thinking - how do we mindfully balance the two? The desire for instant gratification and delayed satisfaction? After all, as humans we are wired to seek immediate pleasure and avoid displeasure. It is rooted in survival, and compounded by current technology. Freud (and Janet 😏) called it the pleasure principle - we want pleasure over pain.
Pleasure seeking doesn’t come without consequence, though. Instant gratification can make it difficult to focus, break bad habits, and is linked to lower achievement, higher debt, obesity, risky sexual behavior, and substance abuse. Yikes!
So how does one both honor the desire for immediacy and think about the future? This is where the idea of reparenting your inner child can come in.
“In every adult there lurks a child - an eternal child, something that is becoming, is never completed and calls for unceasing care, attention and education. That is the part of the human personality which waits to develop and become whole.”
Your inner child is a young part of our psyche that influences how we think and react as adults. Psychologist Carl Jung purported that our inner child can drive many of our emotions in our daily life, especially when we are unaware of it. Our inner child emerges especially when we are activated, triggered, or feeling vulnerable. Our inner child doesn't always come out in moments of crisis, however. Our inner child can also emerge when we’re feeling excited, giddy, or gleeful.
Reparenting your inner child calls you to have open dialogue with a younger version of yourself - in a calm, compassionate way. Validating yourself, your wants, and your needs does wonders. And this can be done immediately.
Take Bobbi for example. Bobbie is 29 years old. Yesterday, she was invited to an acquaintance's birthday dinner at STK. She and this acquaintance aren’t particularly close, and about two dozen other folks were invited, none of whom she knows. Bobbi doesn’t really care for the pomp and circumstance that come with birthday dinners. She really doesn’t feel like spending money to get her hair done, finding something to wear, getting her makeup done, or dealing with splitting the bill over 20 ways 😫. She has a goal of saving $5,000 this year for a down payment on a new car. Plus, she’d rather stay at home crocheting with her cat.
On one hand, her inner child is speaking to her, asking to be seen. She’s moved recently and here’s a chance for her to make new friends. Growing up, she never felt cool. She didn’t quite fit in or dress well until junior year of high school. Here’s a chance for her to get out on the scene and be recognized as a cool person. But at what cost? Sacrificing her one night off to be around people she doesn’t truly care to get to know?
Rather than letting her feelings of guilt, people pleasing tendencies, or pestering internal voice win, Bobbi chooses to soothe her inner child while honoring the needs of her future self. She tells herself that it’s okay to want to be seen as the “cool girl” and reminds herself of her wonderful attributes - she is funny, creative, and an amazing big sister. She also holds space for her goals for the future, and transfers a portion of the money she would have spent on the dinner into her high yield savings account (HYSA). Satisfied, she settles in for the night, catching up on Summer House: Martha’s Vineyard and crocheting herself a new halter top.
Keep in mind small tasks that can be done each day to look out for “future you.” Give that person a name if you’d like. And go as near or far into the future as you wish. Some ideas for supporting future you include:
Packing up your car the night before a trip
Using Friday afternoons to clear off your desk and write out your to do list for Monday
Adding and investing $50 to a brokerage account each month
Saying “no” to a short-term want tomorrow in order to say “yes” to a long-term goal in a year
These tasks for the “future you” can still be done while supporting your inner child.
You can speak to that voice tantruming, “Now! Now! Now!” by reminding yourself of your reasons for waiting. You can also treat yourself when you complete “future you” tasks. Make it fun! The past, present, and future versions of you will thank you!
If you find yourself relating to Bobbi, wishing you could be more like Mimi, or wondering how to hold space for both your inner child and future self, reach out to me. Schedule a consultation call with me so we can work towards your healing together.
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Sources:
https://www.verywellmind.com/inner-child-work-how-your-past-shapes-your-present-7152929
https://daily.jstor.org/whats-bad-instant-gratification/
